Flowers? Chocolates? Romantic candle-lit dinners? Rubbish. If you want a truly memorable Valentine's Day, nothing beats having The World's Quickest Shag with a couple of willing slave girls, as ably demonstrated by a certain Mr. Kratos in this clip from the upcoming PSP version of God of War. Well, we're assuming that there's naughtiness afoot, as the camera pans discreetly away to focus on a not-at-all-phallic candlestick for about 30 seconds. They could, for all we know, be making pizza dough or trying to open a stubborn jar of spaghetti sauce.

Definitely NSFW, unless you work in a brothel. Also, probably NSFH because the last thing you want to be explaning on Valentine's Day is how you found time to watch digital filth but still couldn't even grab a handful of daisies from the neighbours front garden, and a KitKat from the local garage. For shame.